at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
