new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
