the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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