i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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