you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
