You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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