my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
