The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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