My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Success! We fucked roommates!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
