she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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