I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
