I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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