i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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