Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
