I am puke
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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