i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
