Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
