She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
