I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
