have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
