I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
