I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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