Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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