i permit you to call me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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