that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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