It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
