we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
