me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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