you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
