The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
