Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
