Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize