just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
