I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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