she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
