My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize