The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize