My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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