Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You need Xanax blowdarts
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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