there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
