watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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