She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
