Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
