I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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