Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
