Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
