Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
