your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
