i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize