I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
