How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you would pick up someone in the library
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize