why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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