Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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