I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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