In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
