that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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