I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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