heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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